Arguments happen in every relationship — they’re normal. But what matters most is how you argue. Some words, once spoken in anger, can leave lasting damage long after the fight ends.
Here are six things you should avoid saying during an argument with your partner, no matter how hurt or frustrated you feel:
1. “You always…” or “You never…”
These phrases turn your partner’s entire behavior into a negative pattern — even if it’s not true. Instead of focusing on the current issue, you generalize everything, which can make your partner feel unfairly blamed or misunderstood.
Why it hurts: It sounds like you’re keeping score and ignoring their efforts, which only leads to defensiveness and hurt.
2. Bringing Up Old Mistakes
If you’re supposed to have moved past something, bringing it up again during a new argument only makes things worse.
Why it hurts: Repeating past wrongs reopens old wounds and shifts focus away from the present issue. It can make your partner feel like they’ll never be forgiven.
3. Insulting or Name-Calling
It’s easy to say something mean in the heat of a moment, but personal attacks cut deep. Whether it’s calling your partner “lazy,” “selfish,” or anything worse — these comments stick.
Why it hurts: It shows a lack of respect and can seriously break trust. Even if you apologize later, those words stick in your partner’s memory.
4. Threatening to Leave or Give Ultimatums
Saying things like “If you don’t do this, I’m leaving” forces the other person into a corner.
Why it hurts: Ultimatums create fear — not solutions. This kind of manipulation damages the feeling of safety and mutual respect in a relationship.
5. Saying “I’m Done” or “I Want a Divorce” in Anger
Some people say this as a way to express how upset they are — but those words have weight.
Why it hurts: Even if you don’t mean it, talking about breaking up or divorcing during a disagreement creates long-term insecurity. It can make your partner question the future of the relationship altogether.
6. Comparing Them to Someone Else
Whether it’s an ex, a friend, or even a stranger — comparisons have no place in a healthy argument. Telling your partner “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so” is not motivating — it’s hurtful.
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